Raising Contributors, Not Just Consumers
Family is Not an All-Inclusive Resort
I (Courtney) grew up in a family of six kids, all packed within seven years of each other. (Yes, my mother deserves a medal… or maybe a lifetime supply of Diet Coke.) In our house, chores were always done in pairs. Which sounds nice. Teamwork, right? Except I was usually paired with the youngest sibling. Translation: I scrubbed, swept, and hauled, while they stood next to me holding a dish towel and looking very busy (in theory).
At the time, I thought it was the world’s biggest injustice. Now I can laugh, but I can also see how it shaped me. Being part of a family means carrying weight, not just enjoying the benefits.
And that’s the lesson I want to pass on to my own kids: if you’re a consumer in the home, you should also be a contributor.
Because here’s the truth: consumption without contribution creates entitlement. At five, entitlement makes for a spoiled child. At twenty-five, it makes for a self-centered adult.
Why Kids Should Contribute
Family is a team sport. Nobody sits on the bench forever.
When kids help at home, everybody wins:
For the child:
Responsibility (they learn socks don’t walk themselves to the hamper).
Confidence (few things feel better than a job done well, even if it’s just vacuuming up Goldfish crumbs).
Real-life prep (because one day they’ll have roommates or a spouse who won’t be their maid).
For the family:
Less stress for parents.
A sense of “we’re in this together.”
A culture of service, not self-centeredness.
The Biblical Foundation
God designed families as training grounds for discipleship. And that includes the dishes.
Jesus came not to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45).
We are to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23).
When kids clear the table or haul the trash out, they’re not just helping you, they’re practicing the way of Jesus. Chores may be small, but they’re discipleship in action in a world that needs more servants, not more consumers.
Chores and Discipleship
Here’s the bigger picture: what happens in the home doesn’t stay in the home.
If they never learn to contribute in the family, they’ll struggle later in marriage, where the question isn’t, “What do I get?” but, “How can I serve?”
In the workplace, employers don’t want consumers who take from the company; they want contributors who add value.
If our kids only consume at home, they’ll expect to only consume at church. But church isn’t a show for spectators, it’s a body where everyone plays a part (1 Corinthians 12).
The person who contributes to their household is more likely to contribute to their community by volunteering, caring for neighbors, and serving beyond themselves.
The family is the first classroom of discipleship. When kids practice serving at home, they’re rehearsing for serving Christ in the church, in their marriages, in their neighborhoods, and in the world.
Getting Practical
Here’s what it looks like in our house:
Morning basics: Mornings come with two layers of responsibility. First, each child tackles their own space: beds made, rooms picked up, clothes put where they belong. (Are the beds picture-perfect? Not a chance. But at least the sheets aren’t still in a tangled heap from the night before).
Then, everyone takes on one general family chore, things like gathering the trash from each room, collecting the laundry, or wiping down the bathroom counters. It’s not glamorous work, but it teaches them that they don’t just care for their little corner of the house, they also help with the parts we all share.
After dinner: Everyone has a role to play. One clears the table, one wipes counters, one loads the dishwasher. Nobody gets to disappear mysteriously into the bathroom until the work is done.
Ideas by age:
Toddlers: Put toys in a basket, carry spoons to the table.
Elementary: Unload the dishwasher, fold towels, sweep floors, collect trash.
Teens: Cook a simple meal, mow the lawn, do the laundry.
And in our home, chores aren’t paid work. They’re simply part of being in the family. If you eat here, sleep here, and wear clothes washed here, then you help here. Period.
The Long-Term Danger of Short-Term Convenience
Sometimes we pack our kids’ schedules so full with swimming, piano, gymnastics, that there’s no room left for real-life responsibility. Activities are good, but they’re not a substitute for discipleship. And discipleship doesn’t begin on the soccer field. It begins at home, with the small, daily disciplines of serving others.
I get it, though. Especially when kids are learning, it feels easier to just do it myself so it’s done right. The towels are folded neatly, the counters actually get wiped down, and there’s no spilled trash on the way to the bin. But here’s the problem: every time I choose convenience over training, I rob my kids of the very opportunities that shape their character.
Because kids don’t just need another practice. They need practice in serving. And if they don’t learn it with laundry baskets and trash bags now, they’ll carry that gap into adulthood, where the stakes are much higher.
A Challenge for This Week
Here’s a simple place to start:
What’s one responsibility I can give my child this week—and truly let them own?
It might be setting the table, feeding the dog, or managing their laundry. Don’t rescue them. Don’t redo it behind their back. Let them feel the weight and the pride of owning a responsibility.
The Bigger Win
When our kids learn that being part of a family means carrying weight together, they gain more than clean rooms and folded laundry. They gain character, belonging, and a vision of what it means to live like Jesus, who came not to be served, but to serve.
So let’s raise contributors, not just consumers. Because one day, their future boss, spouse, church, and community will thank you.